11pm : Paralysed in the Dark

Paralysis has struck me yet again
And trapped me, deep inside my head.
Thoughts float observing my situation
With no way out to express themselves or call for help.
Finally, he comes.
"Do you want help?" He asks.
Yes, of course I want help, but I cannot say what
and I cannot tell you what would ease the suffering
or how to help me anyway.
I try to answer
With a muted groan.
There are no vowels or consonants here
Just the ridiculous sound of a mumbling crow.
My lips remain shut
My teeth are clenched tight and immovable.
My eyes are darkened and closed
as tight as if they were sewn shut.
I'm here, a prisoner in my own head.
It is quite peaceful though, ironically
Just floating in my mind.
The pathway to my mouth, for speech
Is somehow
Mysteriously
Lost.
I don't know how
I don't know why
I don't when
It will return
But I cannot say the simplest word.
My thoughts are still surprisingly lucid.
Sometimes they too disappear
In a dark empty fog of nothing.
It is not only my lips that have become silenced.
My whole body has been shut up
And somehow, strangely slipped, it seems,
Into an alternate universe
Where everything normal has turned upside down
And gone into reverse.
My feet are screaming with intense burning pain.
My legs and arms have turned to melted butter.
My chest is on fire.
My breathing shallow.
My face is swollen yet expressionless.
The pressure of my body on the chair
Where I awkwardly lie
Is falling in upon itself
Crashing down upon my thighs, my knees, my arms, my back
with the whole of my weight
As if I am crushing my self.
There is no movement here.
The lips will not open despite my best intent.
The teeth will not unclench.
The eyes will not pry open.
The light is burning through whole body.
Who needs eyes open then, to hurt more?
My toes point at twisted angles.
My knees press uncomfortably together.
My legs awkwardly refuse to shift position.
My stomach is swelling like a balloon
suddenly full of too much water.
The paralysis has gripped me bad again
And I, why I can do nothing, here,
in this strangely blank, yet painful place
But float and wait and try to think calm thoughts
Till life of a sort returns to me
And hope that he will know
That I am not ignoring him
Or deliberately not answering
Or strangely sulking in a hidden place
Refusing, somehow, stupidly not to speak
And answer him in his need to hear me reply
So that he can find some unimagined way
To help me.
The eyes will not pry open.
The light is burning through whole body.
Who needs eyes open then, to hurt more?
My toes point at twisted angles.
My knees press uncomfortably together.
My legs awkwardly refuse to shift position.
My stomach is swelling like a balloon
suddenly full of too much water.
The paralysis has gripped me bad again
And I, why I can do nothing, here,
in this strangely blank, yet painful place
But float and wait and try to think calm thoughts
Till life of a sort returns to me
And hope that he will know
That I am not ignoring him
Or deliberately not answering
Or strangely sulking in a hidden place
Refusing, somehow, stupidly not to speak
And answer him in his need to hear me reply
So that he can find some unimagined way
To help me.

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